You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
