Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
