So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
