I want to walk on stilts...naked
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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