you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize