I looked at my own cervix.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
