So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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