I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
