does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
