Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
