His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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