she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
