Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
