He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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