Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
