He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
