The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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