dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The ass gains better be worth it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
