I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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