i just made my gag reflex go away.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
