She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
