Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
