he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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