Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
