I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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