Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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