Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
