Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
