Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize