I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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