we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
did i just pee glitter
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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