i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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