I think im going to throw up on grandma
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
