So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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