Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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