Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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