Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
