i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize