OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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