I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
