How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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