You really coming over, don't trick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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