the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is the high leading the old right now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
