Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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