I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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