He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
