What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
