Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
