I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
