how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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