well I can't set my house on fire every night
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
