she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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