You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
