How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
