the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
