Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
