She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
