Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
be right there i have to get my cape
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
