i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we should paint friendship bongs
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
