in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
