Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
