yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
