he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize