Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
