How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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