you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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