this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
